love this so much!! the Elamin Abdelmahmoud quote almost made me cry. I also have a “difficult” and “unpronounceable” last name, so much so that I don’t even bother saying it to people anymore, just spelling it out. will think about my connection to my ancestors every time someone says it wrong, instead of my usual apathy/embarrassment ❤️
There's a fun PBS documentary called "The Sweetest Sound" by Alan Berliner where he ends up meeting up with eight other people named Alan Berliner. You might like it.
I'm getting married in May and still have yet to make a decision about name change. It feels so much heavier than I expected it would, despite already changing my name once as a teenager to name I pulled out of thin air (I'm sure I found it in a book or heard the name in a movie, but the original significance has been lost to me now, having grown to represent my very treasured agency over my identity). My father and his family refuse to call me by the name I chose so long ago and the sting of that has never dulled.
Also, why not go the Hispanic/ Portuguese way? Everyone has both last names from both their parents. I never understood how women agree in other places to not have their last names on their children. Honestly, it doesn’t make any sense.
I think about names often, especially the ones people have to let go of as they immigrate to new countries or seek citizenship elsewhere. I have a name that wasn’t written on my bachelor’s degree and I finally asked them to modify it. I also recently discovered that I’ve been writing my name wrong my whole life (my parents made a mistake on my birth certificate -.-). I think names are so important and I believe they get to determine a bit of your personality. I know my future kids will have my mother’s name at least to feel like they can be attached to her even though she won’t be there to meet them. Anyway, I loved reading this!
i love the system we have in spain regarding last names: the child gets both their parent's last names and uses the two of them for their complete name, but usually knows far more of them. this way we remember our grandparents and grand grandparents and many generations before, by carrying their names in our memory. when i have a child they'll get not only my last name, but all of the previous last names that connect their family as well. i think it's beautiful, plus it's fun to try to memorize as many as you can and connect them to relatives years and years ago
My middle name is Racquel, with an added “c” so that all of my names would have seven letters. My mom loved Raquel Welch and my dad was really into numerology. I love all of my names because they carry insights into who my parents were when they named me.
When it comes to taking on a partner’s last name, I heard of a couple who chose a new last name together and changed both of their names. I can’t remember what they changed it to, but it was something cool and mysterious and I loved the idea of choosing something together that reflects your personalities and interests.
love this, and relate to it so deeply! my mother gave up her maiden name ‘demellow’ when she married but after researching my family history i took it back —
it’s as much a part of my story as my father’s side.
it comes from India via Portugal, to a Goan-Seychellois ancestor taken from his parents as a toddler and put into an Anglican-run Mumbai ‘orphanage’ — from what I’ve read, a not dissimilar structure to the Canadian residential schools in that they blackmailed parents and forcibly took their mixed-race children in order to create a native workforce and assimilated them into Anglo culture — this is where the name changed from de Melo to De Mellow. The sources we have of his parents and heritage survive only through family stories and DNA analysis — besides that, our entire history was erased.
it’s a name that tells a story of slavery, state-sponsored rape, colonialism, subjugation, immigration, and overcoming. A surname I’m proud to bear, even if it comes with a lot of weight❣️
Wow, thank you so much for sharing Lily - "it's as much a part of my story as my father's side" really stuck with me. It's so complicated to hold so many conflicting truths in one name. Thank you again ❤️
This is so beautiful. My maternal grandfather’s side has a unique last name that one of our ancestors created out of the last name of the family that enslaved them. That name is so unique that it’s almost a guarantee that someone with that last name is related to me and that ancestor. I think it’s beautiful to think that my ancestor’s choice to make such a unique name out of such a traumatic experience is helping us find each other generations later when enslavement forced us apart.
love this so much!! the Elamin Abdelmahmoud quote almost made me cry. I also have a “difficult” and “unpronounceable” last name, so much so that I don’t even bother saying it to people anymore, just spelling it out. will think about my connection to my ancestors every time someone says it wrong, instead of my usual apathy/embarrassment ❤️
This was a really good read!
There's a fun PBS documentary called "The Sweetest Sound" by Alan Berliner where he ends up meeting up with eight other people named Alan Berliner. You might like it.
Oh I love that, will look it up!
Love this reminder of the way family history is woven through names!
I'm getting married in May and still have yet to make a decision about name change. It feels so much heavier than I expected it would, despite already changing my name once as a teenager to name I pulled out of thin air (I'm sure I found it in a book or heard the name in a movie, but the original significance has been lost to me now, having grown to represent my very treasured agency over my identity). My father and his family refuse to call me by the name I chose so long ago and the sting of that has never dulled.
❤️ Thank you for sharing, Alice!
This is great writing! Loved it.
Also, why not go the Hispanic/ Portuguese way? Everyone has both last names from both their parents. I never understood how women agree in other places to not have their last names on their children. Honestly, it doesn’t make any sense.
Loved this piece!! I can resonate with so much of it 🫶🏼
I think about names often, especially the ones people have to let go of as they immigrate to new countries or seek citizenship elsewhere. I have a name that wasn’t written on my bachelor’s degree and I finally asked them to modify it. I also recently discovered that I’ve been writing my name wrong my whole life (my parents made a mistake on my birth certificate -.-). I think names are so important and I believe they get to determine a bit of your personality. I know my future kids will have my mother’s name at least to feel like they can be attached to her even though she won’t be there to meet them. Anyway, I loved reading this!
Ah thank you so much for sharing and I love your reflection about naming to honour those who have passed ❤️
i love the system we have in spain regarding last names: the child gets both their parent's last names and uses the two of them for their complete name, but usually knows far more of them. this way we remember our grandparents and grand grandparents and many generations before, by carrying their names in our memory. when i have a child they'll get not only my last name, but all of the previous last names that connect their family as well. i think it's beautiful, plus it's fun to try to memorize as many as you can and connect them to relatives years and years ago
My middle name is Racquel, with an added “c” so that all of my names would have seven letters. My mom loved Raquel Welch and my dad was really into numerology. I love all of my names because they carry insights into who my parents were when they named me.
When it comes to taking on a partner’s last name, I heard of a couple who chose a new last name together and changed both of their names. I can’t remember what they changed it to, but it was something cool and mysterious and I loved the idea of choosing something together that reflects your personalities and interests.
Wow, the Raquel Welch connection, I totally missed that and thank you for reminding me! ❤️
love this, and relate to it so deeply! my mother gave up her maiden name ‘demellow’ when she married but after researching my family history i took it back —
it’s as much a part of my story as my father’s side.
it comes from India via Portugal, to a Goan-Seychellois ancestor taken from his parents as a toddler and put into an Anglican-run Mumbai ‘orphanage’ — from what I’ve read, a not dissimilar structure to the Canadian residential schools in that they blackmailed parents and forcibly took their mixed-race children in order to create a native workforce and assimilated them into Anglo culture — this is where the name changed from de Melo to De Mellow. The sources we have of his parents and heritage survive only through family stories and DNA analysis — besides that, our entire history was erased.
it’s a name that tells a story of slavery, state-sponsored rape, colonialism, subjugation, immigration, and overcoming. A surname I’m proud to bear, even if it comes with a lot of weight❣️
Wow, thank you so much for sharing Lily - "it's as much a part of my story as my father's side" really stuck with me. It's so complicated to hold so many conflicting truths in one name. Thank you again ❤️
This is so beautiful. My maternal grandfather’s side has a unique last name that one of our ancestors created out of the last name of the family that enslaved them. That name is so unique that it’s almost a guarantee that someone with that last name is related to me and that ancestor. I think it’s beautiful to think that my ancestor’s choice to make such a unique name out of such a traumatic experience is helping us find each other generations later when enslavement forced us apart.